Hey guys!

Jon here, and today was pretty cool...and pretty weird at the same time.

I got to work and lo and behold...after two hours, me and every other non-manager employee got kicked out because my manager went way over for labor costs at the store (in other words, we had 9 employees there today, we need 4 or 5). So she got in deep crap with the district manager.

Long story short (too late xD), I got out at 11:30.  Paula was going to the mall at 1, plus I wanted to DDR with Jason, so we went to Randhurst.  We saw Paula, Agnes, and company there several times, but they were doing their shopping and we didn't want to interrupt...too much...>.>

xD  Anyway, we did a set for them before they took off, and Jason and I learned the beauty of nonstop mode.  Jason got well over a 700 combo, i hit 460...that was so much fun!  And, over the course of the day, who should we run into but Bryant, along with Maleen and Manileen, who were Christmas shopping.  Maleen and Manileen went on their way after a few minutes of "OMG imagine finding YOU GUYS here!!!!"  That was really funny.  I saw a necklace, I bought it.  I'm an impulse bracelet/necklace buyer...I admit it xD.

After a while, I cheated on my diet then we split up, Jason went home, Bryant and I went to his place for a lil while.  We talked and talked and talked and swore and talked and swore for a little while time passed, and then went off to get Jason and Mark.  The four of us then went to Loews Theaters to see Timeline.

Now, this is just my opinion...but that is one of the crappiest movies of all time...(although nothing quite compares to Cabin Fever >_<).  The scenery and special effects were nice, but the storyline blew.  The actors weren't right for the parts, the characters...I dunno, I didn't really care if any of them lived or died O_o.  The entire part in the present sucked, and it's called Timeline...there are only two points in time dealt with.  If it was like a multi-time occasion, where stuff's gotta be done in the past, present, and future...then it would be a more appropriate title... Finally, the scripting was horrible...here are the two worst quotes I've heard this year in a movie...both from Timeline...

"AHHH! My ear! My ear! (has been cut off) It's me!"

"Let's make our own history...together..."

The first was totally unrealistic, the second one was cheesy beyond reason O_o.

See the movie and you'll know what I mean xD...or better yet, spend your money someplace more useful...

Then I took the guys home and that was about it...I go back to school tomorrow so we'll see how it goes!  Take care one and all!

I'm Richter

Well it's another day...

As we get closer to Thanksgiving, I can't help but feel just a lil bit empty...I mean it's a time for family, but not really for me.  I wanted to work Thanksgiving so I didn't have to think about it.  Ah well.  It's just gonna be me and mom then I guess...O_o.  Too bad...  Well I did say in my first entry I would be candid with my feelings good and bad in this xanga, so if you dun like it, keep it mind, nobody's forcing u to read xD.

Well, I'm glad I patched things up with a certain someone today, u know who u r ^_^.  It was this song that made me think of her the most...

I'm here without you, baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you, baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight, girl

It's only you and me...

good song...good song...

Well, sorry about the way the last entry was delivered, but you have no idea how beneficial it was to just type that out and put it out there.  I'm back to normal now, or at least what normal is for me xD.

I was uberly depressed yesterday and most of today, but I'm ok now.  The main turning point for me was realizing that no matter what happens...we can all get through our problems together...kudos to maleen for her advice.  Another thing that helped me through, weirdly enough, was listening to

*** Hilary Duff - Santa Claus Lane ***

don't ask xD.

Anyway, sorry to those I was a jerk to...I got the feeling this Christmas will be one to remember...I just hope it is for all of us so we can end this year on the right note...thanks to everyone

Jon

All I've been able to think about for most of the day was "God...what have I done to deserve this...14 years of suffering and pain...when will it end?"

I really don't care about opening up to people and exposing my weaknesses...I'm not a warrior...I'm a kid, I should start acting like one. 

Seriously though...I keep thinking..."oh it can't get much worse than this..." and it does, and usually in ways I really don't see coming. 

Take tonight for example.  I was already pissed off because I thought Paula was liking Justin and not me, only to learn that while she doesn't like Justin that way *supposedly* she just wants to be friends with me.  Forever.  I wish she told me that earlier...it woulda made things so much better...we coulda stayed online and not gone into getting closer through the phone and in person so neither one of us would be hurt at all...but is there still hope that we could be together? i have no clue. Oh well.  Plus now mom knows, so I'm REALLY up a creek...not that that's anything new for me.  I don't share what's REALLY going on in my life so here are a few facts for you:

Been having hell on earth since age: 3

Money "disappeared" from my saving account: $11,313

Sacrifices For Ungrateful People: Too Many (there are sacrifices for grateful ppl too, tho ;), and those i dun mind)

Rejections By Girls Who Didn't Understand Me: 30

Months Homebound From Debilitating Back: 6

Graduation Money Left: $0

I Am Officially: Poor as fuck

Fencing Careers Ruined: 1

Amount Short I Am Every Month: $40

Asthma Injections Over Lifetime: 1,560

People I've Hurt Unintentionally: Too Many

My Job: Work sucks, pay sucks, and I don't get sufficient hours to boot.

I Am Doing School, Work, or Chores: 8-10 hours a day AT LEAST, 7 days a week.

Time I've Spent The Past 3 Weeks Thinking About Paula: Damn near all of it.

Hearts Broken: 1, mine

Times I've Spoken About It All Publicly: 1, now.

Ya see...I'm fucking sick and tired of all the shit my life throws at me, and for once I'd like a fucking breather.  I dread getting close to anyone for fear it will dig deeper into the wounds I already have and actually hit a nerve that hasn't already been numbed by the onslaught of my life.

I'm screwed.  I'm tired.  I want a fucking day off.  I want Paula to realize how much I care.  I want her to realize that fucking rumors mean shit.  She won't even mention me by name in her xanga for fear that OMG one of her friends might tease her.

Well I'll say it.  I've been teased.  I've been disowned pretty much.  I don't fucking care, because for once in my life I'm gonna be selfish.  Completely selfish.  Just once.  It doesn't matter to me what people think about me, because I am who I am and by God, nobody will change me except for God himself, if he is so willing. 

The worst part of it all...is I was born smart.  I have an IQ of 156.  My math IQ is friggin' higher than Einstein's.  Am I bragging?  Not really.  In fact, I would do anything to trade that for peace of mind.  So I wouldn't be able to realize all these in depth philosophical foresights and possibilities in my mind.  Like how I know right now I'm trapped and there's no way out.  It doesn't matter what I say or what I do...I lose. 

Perhaps some of you who read this can relate.  I'm sure that those of you who fall into that category are thinking "stfu, bitch, we all got our problems".  That's true, we all have our problems. 

But the fact of the matter is, I don't complain enough.  I accept almost everything as it comes, I try to go through and be strong for others, for my dad, and to be a source of smiles and happiness for others.

Here are some shoutouts, though not all run of the mill and in no order:

Mom...  ... -_-

Dad...I love you so much, you know that...I'm sorry I failed you...I'm glad to know you still love me and always will.

Grandpa... I love you so much Grandpa...I'll never forget when you came over to my house to babysit me and we played football together those many years ago...You were always special to me...I don't want to see you go, but know you'll always be in my heart...

Grandma...You're so strong...I love you a lot too...always have always will.  We always had our own little special bond, huh?  Being goofy when mom wasn't looking...heh, it always made me smile.  Your letters over the past few years have given me the morale boost I needed to keep from breaking down so often...It was so great to know you always cared.  Thank you for that.

Bryant...6 years...so much has happened since that day at Lincoln...so much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same, thanks for stickin' in there.

Andrew...I know how you feel about my feelings for Paula and I know where you're coming from...other than that, thanks for bein' by my side these few years, it's been better for the while with you around my friend.

Jason...If I told myself 6 years ago I'd be writing YOU a thank you message, I wouldn't have believed me, altho I'm quite glad we got to be friends and I hope that stays the same for awhile to come, thank you.

Justin...I've known you the least of my close friends, but you've done so much for me.  You've shown me that I can still enjoy life even when it's at its bleakest.  Thanks for teaching me that lesson, and we'll grow in the years ahead.

Dave...I dunno man...so much has happened since I met you, but I assume we're still cool and all, take care.

Paula...I dunno what you feel for me anymore...you know how I feel about you...and I dunno if I can be just a friend to you forever...not the way I am...but no matter where you are, no matter what, I'll always be here for you.

Sammy...Great talking to you on the phone, at last.  You are a great girl, I know we had a rough go a wayz back, but that's all in the past.  Good luck in all your future endeavors and thanks for helping me grow as a person.

Denyse...Life doesn't always have a punch line...

Agnes...You're a cool girl, I'm glad Paula has a nice friend like you.

Well, that's all for now...  I'm sick...literally xD.  I'm too wound up to sleep though.  Please comment or something, I like those...thanks.

A few quotes of mine:

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle, lose one piece and the whole picture is fucked up

The best stress reliever is staying in bed with the covers over your head

If you're feeling hopeless about the way the world is these days, turn on Jerry Springer and your feelings will be confirmed

When a girl says "I want a nice guy," what she really means is "I want a guy who treats everyone like shit but treats me like the fucking Queen of England."

Well that's enough out of me, take care one and all.

...